Home Budget 2007 Company Profile Services Accountancy Zone Business Zone Tax Zone IR35 Update News Articles Feedback Search Legal Notice How To Find Us But in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. Benjamin Franklin Censure is the tax a man pays to the public for being eminent. Jonathan Swift A taxpayer is someone who works for the federal government but who doesn't have to take a civil service examination. Ronald Reagan The trick is to stop thinking of it as 'your' money. Revenue Auditor The hardest thing in the world to understand is income tax! Albert Einstein The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul. George Bernard Shaw The avoidance of taxes is the only pursuit that still carries any reward J M Keynes To please universally was the object of his life; but to tax and to please, no more than to love and to be wise, is not given to men. Edmund Burke When there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income. Plato Like mothers, taxes are often misunderstood, but seldom forgotten Lord Bramwell There is no art which one government sooner learns from another than that of draining money from the pockets of the people. Adam Smith There are two distinct classes of men... those who pay taxes and those who receive and live upon taxes. Thomas Paine War involves in its progress such a train of unforeseen and unsupposed circumstances that no human wisdom can calculate the end. It has but one thing certain, and that is to increase taxes Thomas Paine In the matter of taxation, every privilege is an injustice. Voltaire. He who has the base necessities of life should pay nothing; taxation on him who has a surplus may, if need be; extend to everything beyond necessities. Jean Jacques Rousseau There are two systems of taxation in our country: one for the informed and one for the uninformed. Honorable Learned Hand, US Appeals Court Justice Over and over again Courts have said there is nothing sinister in so arranging one's affairs as to keep taxes as low as possible. Everybody does so, rich and poor, and all do right, for nobody owes any public duty to pay more than the law demands. Taxes are enforced exactions, not voluntary contributions. to demand more in the name of morals is mere cant. Honourable Learned Hand, US Appeals Court Justice The haggis and European tax law have much in common. They both involve bloody processes, the end results are a mystery and those of a squeamish disposition should not get involved in the making of either. Anon Your federal government needs your money so that it can perform vital services for you that you would not think up yourself in a million years. Dave Barry (US columnist) We have from time-to-time complained about the complexity of our revenue laws and the almost impossible challenge they present to taxpayers or their representatives... Our complaints have obviously fallen upon deaf ears. Arnold Raum (Senior US Tax Court Judge) Benjamin Franklin said nothing is certain but death and taxes: but at least death doesn't get worse every year. Anon Q. What is the difference between a terrorist and a tax inspector? A. You can negotiate with a terrorist. Q. What has lots of arms and legs A. A happy and successful tax inspector Q. What's the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? A. The taxidermist only takes the skin. Q. What is black and tan and looks good on an overzealous tax investigator? A. A doberman. Q. What's the difference between an overzealous tax investigator and a rottweiler? A. A rottweiler eventually lets go! Q. How can you tell when a tax inspector is trying to trap you into a confession? A. When his lips are moving. Q. Why do sharks not attack tax advisers? A. Professional courtesy. Q. What's the difference between a tax adviser and an angry bull? A. The tax adviser charges more. Beware advisor-speak: They write: It has long been known that ............................... It means: I haven't been able to find the statutory reference. They write: Three of the ten sections have been chosen for detailed study. It means: I didn't have a clue what the other seven meant. They write: It is generally believed by most tax commentators They mean: I have such a good answer to this point I'll now raise it. They write: Extensive personal research indicates that the Inland Revenue perceive a problem with this approach. They mean: When I tried it on with the Revenue they threatened me with prison. They write: It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of the interaction of the forex and loan relationship rules will be achievable. It means: I don't understand it. They write: I would like to acknowledge the help of Joe Bloggs in stimulating my interest in this esoteric area of tax law and of John Smith who challenged my ideas. It means: Bloggs did the work and Smith explained what it meant. Tax advisers like to solve problems. If there are no problems currently available they will invent them. Normal people do not understand this logic, they tend to apply the naive approach of "if it isn't broken, don't fix it". The tax adviser believes that if it wasn't broken it must have been too simply constructed to have achieved the objective in the first place. A 35 year old tax adviser died of a heart attack and challenged St Peter "why now?". "Well" said St Peter, "we looked at the bills you have sent your clients and reckoned you must have been at least 90 to have charged that many billable hours". [ Tax Zone Home]